Baby and I Say Good-Bye

Here we are at 31 weeks and 5 days...

...standing in Annie's kitchen in Red Wing, Minnesota.  On Easter Sunday, Annie called me just minutes before the first worship service started and told me in the most calm, unwavering voice that she was back at Mayo hospital and her test and scans had revealed that the cancer had spread tumor throughout her abdomen and had moved into her liver and lungs.  The doctors had told her that it was not surgical and there was nothing else they could do, and she had decided to just go home on hospice care, with an estimate that she would only live for 2 days to 2 weeks.

I ended the call and sobbed uncontrollably and did the best I could to survive my busy morning with hundreds of kids and Easter festivities at St. Matthew's and then called my doctor to make sure it was safe to travel and booked a flight to Minnesota the next morning.

Baby V and I spent four nights and five days, in Minnesota, most of it in Annie's home town of Red Wing where we were put up by a stranger, an amazing friend of Annie's Mom.  I had asked Annie a few weeks earlier to be our baby's godmother and I decided to break our silence and share the name with her (and only her!).  Over four days, I was one of probably a hundred family members and friends that filled her home.  It was akward and hard a lot of the time, but I did get a few precious moments alone with Annie.  I was able to help her do some funeral planning, to dream about what heaven will be like, to accept some special gifts from her, and to say good-bye.  I'm glad I went, but it was really hard.

The good in the middle of a lot of bad was that I was also able to see a ton of people that I don't see very often; sorority sisters and other college friends and Annie's amazing mom and Patrick her boyfriend.  I had a nice dinner with my little brother and was in the Cities with Anna, Krissy, Amy, and Skippy for one night.

And now we're back in Seattle with Papa Jon just waiting and trying to take care of this baby and prepare the best way we can and waiting and trying to believe Annie WILL hold her Godson...someday.