The Mass

Today is a hard day.  I was scheduled to have a second MRI and exam and consultation with an oncologist today, but we decided to decline and cancel the appointments.  Our decision to go against the doctors recommendations were not reached in haste or without a lot of tears and passionate discussion.

"Isn't an oncologist a cancer doctor?  I thought she was pregnant not sick!"  If you're saying something similiar to yourself, I'll back up a bit for you.  From what I've heard, almost no pregnancy goes without its own difficulty and complication, mine happens to be the mysterious mass that has been discovered in my pelivs.

At nine weeks pregnant, I had my first appointment with my OB/GYN, Dr. Miller.  Through ultrasound, he discovered...1.Yes, I was in fact pregnant and 2. There was a large (5 cm) funky looking mass there too!  After two more specialized ultrasounds and radioligist consults, it was deemed that the mass had consumed my right ovary and needed to be surgically removed to prevent complications.  SURGERY WHILE PREGNANT!??!?  Yep, that's what I thought and felt and said too...but at the "sweet spot" of 15 weeks I went through with it only to find out after I awoke from anesthesia that my right ovary is in place and perfectly fine and the mass is off floating somewhere else and could not be touched.

At this point, Dr. Miller and his cronies were pretty sure that "the mass" was nothing to worry about...but not sure enough, because after a few days of pondering, it was recommended that I see an oncologist, who insisted we do an MRI, which caused me to have to sign a scary waver that said, "We are pretty sure this won't hurt your baby, but we can't make any promises."  The MRI did not return diffinitive results and Dr. Drescher, the oncologist, recommended we "keep an eye on it" with another MRI and follow up appointment in 4 weeks.

This is pretty much where I said enough is enough.  Not only have I put my baby in jeopardy with surgery and an MRI, but now you are asking me to continue to go down that road, and it's getting us NOWHERE!  Not to mention, even if they did discover "something" with this testing, the next step would be to explore options like terminating pregnancy or forcing a super early delivery of the baby, both of which suggestions make me want to hurl and in my mind are not an option.  So, it might be better just not to know, ya know?

Dr. Miller was supportive when we spoke with him about not wanting an MRI, but after he consulted with Dr. Drescher, called to say he could not in good faith tell me it was ok just to ignore things and not do the MRI.

Well, as you already know if you read the first paragraph of this post, that is precisely what we decided to do.  It sucks to have to go against medical recommendation, but at the same time my heart is very strongly leading me not to spend any more time, money, stress, or chance at jeapordizing this otherwise extremely healthy pregnancy at the moment.  The mass can be monitored (although not with as much detail) by ultrasound and if any concerning symptoms appeared we would definitely investigate more at that point, but so far, that's not the case.  After the baby is delivered, Jon and I are quite open to testing, procedures, evaluation...have at it!   ...as long as it isn't at the expense of this baby.  I believe God put this baby in my body (and without wasting any time I might add!) for a reason, so although  my doctor doesn't agree, I have to have faith that both baby and me will be okay in the end, even if it means prolonging discovering the mystery behind this mass for four or five more months.

Today will most certainly end brighter than it began.  Jon and I are finally traveling "home" to Michigan to visit our families and some friends and hold the "holiday" celebrations that were made impossible due to the surgery, recovery, and endless days in the doctor's office in December.  I'll be blogging about our trip when I get back next week.