Baby Will Be Here Soon!

What a pregnancy this has been.  I discover we are expecting and then have to lead a miscarriage ministry group for work for five weeks.  The first ultrasound reveals a concerning pelvic mass.  Surgery has unexpected results, and we continue to wonder and wait.  My best friend calls me at 8am on Easter Sunday to say that she only has weeks left to live.  On April 27, Annie dies and I am too pregnant to travel to attend her funeral.  I wake up every day and remember that my baby won't meet his godmother until they are together in heaven.  Another friend and mother of three at church shares that she has stage iv cancer.  I can't even find the words to describe what it is like to experience so much sadness and yet so much joy at the same time.  The world is full of death and yet I feel a new life kicking inside of me.

Jon and I are SO joyful and excited and feel as ready as we're ever going to be to begin our adventures as parents, but it's been hard to share much of that happiness here amidst everything else.  We hope you understand.

One blissful Saturday, our friend Leya took some gorgeous maternity photos of us and captured our first two kids (Alley and Oscar Meyer) in true form too!  You can see a slideshow of all the shots and jam to some Jack Johnson here: http://littlemonkeyphotography.com/slideshows/ColeNJonMaternity2010.html

Unfortunately, Jon can't make me look as good as Leya can!  The professional maternity pictures were taken at 35 weeks and here I am just over 38 weeks...WHOA!

And I will leave with some updated nursery pictures too.

I was admitted to labor and delivery on Friday afternoon after some concern over the baby's heartbeat, but the fetal monitor and an ultrasound confirmed that everything is great and Baby V is totally healthy.  The experience made the baby's arrival feel VERY real and close.  Any day now he will be here!

Showered!

On Saturday, we had our second of three baby showers!

They really went all out with our theme.  There was black, green, white, polka dots, and penguins everywhere!

Our amazing friends Gretchen and Colleen (who has the PERFECT party house!) were our amazing hostesses.

My best friend and college roommate, Anna, flew in from Minnesota for the weekend to celebrate with us.  We had such a good time, especially on Friday when we pampered ourselves with coffee, pedicures, fancy lunch at the golf course, and a night out at the bar with some friends from church.

Of course there was a mountain of gifts that just left us feeling so grateful.

There were men and women and coworkers and friends and babies..oh my!

We played the "try to cut a piece of string the size of Nicole's belly" game.  Lucas won, but my co-worker Dan used Pastor Kirby's belly to gauge his guess and it was almost exactly the right size.  I thought it was hilarious!

Addi and Rachel checked out our new gigantic stuffed penguin.  Luckily, it's not even close to as large as the giraffe we bought for Gretchen and Ryan when Addi was born.

We were REALLY excited that the highchair we registered for had come out in a new model...with PENGUINS!!!

Jon got a really sweet print about Daddy's to hang on the wall in the nursery from his BF Ryan and Addi tried out the Baby's new rocking chair.  It's ADORABLE!

I just can't really comprehend all the loving, Seattle "family" we have accumulated in such a short time.  We are truly  happy and feel so lucky and loved.  Thanks to everyone who helped us prepare for Baby V.  We are so grateful.  33 weeks...7 to go???  Maybe?

Baby and I Say Good-Bye

Here we are at 31 weeks and 5 days...

...standing in Annie's kitchen in Red Wing, Minnesota.  On Easter Sunday, Annie called me just minutes before the first worship service started and told me in the most calm, unwavering voice that she was back at Mayo hospital and her test and scans had revealed that the cancer had spread tumor throughout her abdomen and had moved into her liver and lungs.  The doctors had told her that it was not surgical and there was nothing else they could do, and she had decided to just go home on hospice care, with an estimate that she would only live for 2 days to 2 weeks.

I ended the call and sobbed uncontrollably and did the best I could to survive my busy morning with hundreds of kids and Easter festivities at St. Matthew's and then called my doctor to make sure it was safe to travel and booked a flight to Minnesota the next morning.

Baby V and I spent four nights and five days, in Minnesota, most of it in Annie's home town of Red Wing where we were put up by a stranger, an amazing friend of Annie's Mom.  I had asked Annie a few weeks earlier to be our baby's godmother and I decided to break our silence and share the name with her (and only her!).  Over four days, I was one of probably a hundred family members and friends that filled her home.  It was akward and hard a lot of the time, but I did get a few precious moments alone with Annie.  I was able to help her do some funeral planning, to dream about what heaven will be like, to accept some special gifts from her, and to say good-bye.  I'm glad I went, but it was really hard.

The good in the middle of a lot of bad was that I was also able to see a ton of people that I don't see very often; sorority sisters and other college friends and Annie's amazing mom and Patrick her boyfriend.  I had a nice dinner with my little brother and was in the Cities with Anna, Krissy, Amy, and Skippy for one night.

And now we're back in Seattle with Papa Jon just waiting and trying to take care of this baby and prepare the best way we can and waiting and trying to believe Annie WILL hold her Godson...someday.

The Nursery

Drumroll please!!!!  Here are the first official pictures of the nursery!  It's not finished, but things are definitely well underway and we're really excited about the green, penguins, and polka dots for Baby VanderMeulen.  From the doorway...

The Craigslist crib and mattress.  We decided to go with black and are really happy with our choice.

The penguins turned out adorable too!

We also purchased our glider off of Craigslist for $20, then repainted it, had a co-worker of mine recover the cushions, Jon replaced the springs, and we added the ottoman from Ikea.

Check out the before and after shots.

We will use the dresser (also Craigslist!!!!) to double as the changing table

with a pad and a basket with supplies on top.

We've talked about adding bookshelves along the wall to the left of the dresser by the window that would display books with the covers facing out.  What do you think?  Go for it or would it just be too much?  Jon will be installing a ceiling fan this weekend (even though I wish it was a chandelier!) and we have a lamp for the top of the bookcase that just needs a new shade.  The walls will need some more decoration too...perhaps a few of our first family photos or

something with Guido's real name when we ready for it to be revealed.

While Jon is hard at work in the nursery this weekend, I'll be flying to Michigan for my first Baby Shower.  I'm so excited and looking forward to having even more beautiful belongings to pack away in the nursery.

So, what do YOU think!??!?

Michiganders

Our trip back "home" to Michigan at the end of January was a total success.  We drove all over the state and were able to spend quality time with both sides of our family.  We also met baby Esther, the four week old daughter of our good friends Jason and Erica.  Isn't she sweet?  It won't be long until we have our own to hold.

The weather in Michigan was FREEZING.  WAY too cold for our warm Western blood!  But the snowcovered beach of Lake Michigan was kind of pretty.

We made it back to Seattle and have been in major nesting mode, with lots of projects, shopping, and nursery renovations keeping us busy.  More details on all of that soon!

This big red blob is me on Valentine's Day at 24 weeks pregnant.  The bump is sure growing fast!

Winter in Seattle this year has been super mild and quite lovely.  There have been many 55-60 degree sunny days!  Look, the trees have started to bud in February!  My Mom and Dad are here visiting this week and Dad took these pictures on our walk down the Cedar River Trail to Lake Washington.

Whoa!  Pregnant Nicole!

Monday brought gorgeous weather too, so we visited the boat locks in Ballard and had a yummy seafood lunch at Ray's Cafe.

Grandma can't get enough of babies, and attended a baby shower for a co-worker with me on Tuesday night and then helped us entertain Addi, while Gretchen and Ryan had band practice on Thursday night.

Grandma and Grandpa were also a HUGE help with the pets. Our puppy has come a long way since they first met her last spring and they really do adore and spoil her just as good grandparents should!  Alley and Oscar are going to be VERY sad when they leave tomorrow.

Ted and Terrie head back to Michigan tomorrow, but I'll be heading back in just two weeks for my first baby shower, so we won't be apart for long.  I will post again soon with baby project pictures!

The Mass

Today is a hard day.  I was scheduled to have a second MRI and exam and consultation with an oncologist today, but we decided to decline and cancel the appointments.  Our decision to go against the doctors recommendations were not reached in haste or without a lot of tears and passionate discussion.

"Isn't an oncologist a cancer doctor?  I thought she was pregnant not sick!"  If you're saying something similiar to yourself, I'll back up a bit for you.  From what I've heard, almost no pregnancy goes without its own difficulty and complication, mine happens to be the mysterious mass that has been discovered in my pelivs.

At nine weeks pregnant, I had my first appointment with my OB/GYN, Dr. Miller.  Through ultrasound, he discovered...1.Yes, I was in fact pregnant and 2. There was a large (5 cm) funky looking mass there too!  After two more specialized ultrasounds and radioligist consults, it was deemed that the mass had consumed my right ovary and needed to be surgically removed to prevent complications.  SURGERY WHILE PREGNANT!??!?  Yep, that's what I thought and felt and said too...but at the "sweet spot" of 15 weeks I went through with it only to find out after I awoke from anesthesia that my right ovary is in place and perfectly fine and the mass is off floating somewhere else and could not be touched.

At this point, Dr. Miller and his cronies were pretty sure that "the mass" was nothing to worry about...but not sure enough, because after a few days of pondering, it was recommended that I see an oncologist, who insisted we do an MRI, which caused me to have to sign a scary waver that said, "We are pretty sure this won't hurt your baby, but we can't make any promises."  The MRI did not return diffinitive results and Dr. Drescher, the oncologist, recommended we "keep an eye on it" with another MRI and follow up appointment in 4 weeks.

This is pretty much where I said enough is enough.  Not only have I put my baby in jeopardy with surgery and an MRI, but now you are asking me to continue to go down that road, and it's getting us NOWHERE!  Not to mention, even if they did discover "something" with this testing, the next step would be to explore options like terminating pregnancy or forcing a super early delivery of the baby, both of which suggestions make me want to hurl and in my mind are not an option.  So, it might be better just not to know, ya know?

Dr. Miller was supportive when we spoke with him about not wanting an MRI, but after he consulted with Dr. Drescher, called to say he could not in good faith tell me it was ok just to ignore things and not do the MRI.

Well, as you already know if you read the first paragraph of this post, that is precisely what we decided to do.  It sucks to have to go against medical recommendation, but at the same time my heart is very strongly leading me not to spend any more time, money, stress, or chance at jeapordizing this otherwise extremely healthy pregnancy at the moment.  The mass can be monitored (although not with as much detail) by ultrasound and if any concerning symptoms appeared we would definitely investigate more at that point, but so far, that's not the case.  After the baby is delivered, Jon and I are quite open to testing, procedures, evaluation...have at it!   ...as long as it isn't at the expense of this baby.  I believe God put this baby in my body (and without wasting any time I might add!) for a reason, so although  my doctor doesn't agree, I have to have faith that both baby and me will be okay in the end, even if it means prolonging discovering the mystery behind this mass for four or five more months.

Today will most certainly end brighter than it began.  Jon and I are finally traveling "home" to Michigan to visit our families and some friends and hold the "holiday" celebrations that were made impossible due to the surgery, recovery, and endless days in the doctor's office in December.  I'll be blogging about our trip when I get back next week.

It's a...

BOY!!!!!

Most of you have already heard the big news.  Thank you for being SO excited for us.  We're excited too, mostly to know that the baby seems happy and healthy and to be growing right on schedule.

The best part was the look on the ultrasound tech's face.  She was showing us the heart, and lungs, and bladder, and hands, etc. and then all of a sudden she just cocks her head and gives us this look like...you know what THAT is!  I said, "It's a boy?" and I was right!

Here are some pictures to share!  No wee wee's in these shots, just the most adorable little feet and a side profile shot of the head.  We're SO happy!